I was scrolling through Facebook, doing the mindless afternoon thing, and I saw this poem below from one of my current favorites Yung Pueblo. Something in his poem below instantly grabbed me, it was the last part: “I want a love […] that helps me see that the hero I am looking for is me“.
And it prompted the following thoughts on Love:
I’ve recently come across an inner peace when I realized that a lot of the time, when we are seeking a partner or seeking “love”, it is because we are unhappy in something within us and we are looking to fill that void. We are looking for a home we have not found within ourselves.
This creates several problems as you can imagine. For one, we are placing our happiness in someone else’s hands, and we are expecting something of the other person to be fulfilling. The quickest way to sadness is expecting someone to meet our expectations. We are again crushed when they are not met and again we are at the mercy of another. Sometimes the other person doesn’t mean to hurt us, but since we have placed our expectations on them (regardless of if they know that or not), we end up being disappointed. That’s why we can sometimes be in a relationship and be “loved” and still feel lonely. That need we are looking for hasn’t been met, even if the partner has done no wrong.
My argument is this, before you can love another, you must love yourself. Find yourself, find your inner peace, know yourself, love yourself, and exist as a sole entity, regardless of having a partner or love or not. You should be able to be content, happy and on your own without feeling lonely and empty. Whether you have a partner or “love” shouldn’t be relevant to your happiness, self-worth, satisfaction or anything. You need to exist on your own, and feel at home in your own skin. I think only then (and only if you find a partner that loves themselves as well), are you able to actually have a truly healthy relationship.
You must exist, and they must exist happily independent of each other. Only then can you co-exist in a happy medium. The phrases “you complete me”, “my better half” etc… are the perfect examples of how not to think. It is not selfish to think that you are complete on your own. It’s actually better because, it implies to the other person, I don’t ‘need’ you, but I ‘want’ you. ‘Want’ is much more powerful than ‘need’. When you ‘need’ something, you don’t have a choice, and you do everything you can to hold on to it, until you suffocate it. When you ‘want’ something, you are making a choice, a conscious effort to appreciate and love someone and to make them part of your life. I personally don’t want someone to “need” me. I don’t want them to make me feel like their life ends without me. I want to know that they are able to let me go if it is better for me, because that is true love. It comes without restrictions and attachments. True love just is on it’s own. And when you can make the distinction, you can truly love something without having to have it. Realizing these things has been so freeing for me.
I don’t need a person, a thing, a relationship to be happy. I am my own hero. I am my own love. I am my own happiness. And I can love whomever I want, in the way I choose to, because it is my choice. I am not driven by it. I can be mine. I am mine and I feel so free.
When you’re looking for a hero, look no farther than within, it sits sandwiched between your happiness & your self worth. Be your OWN hero.
P.S. My bestie had turned me on to Yung Pueblo’s work last year, and I had went to his event in Miami a couple months ago. I really recommend checking out his work. I have bought several copies of his current book Inward for friends, and it’s meant to be read slowly and meditated on.